date:Tuesday, October 23, 2007
time:1:39 PM
title:
I'm going back to my old habits and yes, it's all the bad habits.
No one can help me except myself but, honestly I kinda do miss the old times when I would drink and sprout nonsense. Buy things without paying.. Sigh.
I know you hate it, sooner or later you're gonna hate me.. What can I say? Don't blame my friends for anything. Like what you always say.. "He/She brought it upon himself"
I brought it upon myself so, I don't believe anyone else influenced me to do anything. I wanted to do it because I just wanted the quick way out. Call me a coward, whatever.. but honestly. I'm just like that. You fell in love with someone who was like that, and you changed me.. because I believe that your love could last forever. However, I was wrong. I changed for you because I loved you and I wanted to be a better girlfriend for you. Sadly, I changed back. We're not together now.
You say you'd do anything to stop me from drinking. Get your feelings back then, and say you love me.. Ask me back. Nothing is impossible.. So maybe one day you'll get them back. But you said, it might be too late. Well, you wouldn't know if you try.. That one day could be just the perfect time to tell me you love me once again. But, that one day could also mean you're too late because I might have found someone else by then.
No one knows what the future holds. My mum told me people's feelings change in time. I guess I'll never understand that till I'm older. Yeah, maybe I'm too immature now. I should be enjoying my childhood and not want to grow up so quickly. Besides, growing up takes time right?
I've got loads of time to think now.. and right now, I just feel like I don't want to be in a relationship till I finish Poly. Yeah, old right? But think about it.. Last time when we're in Primary 6, we wanted a relationship.. Thinking, "We're so old already, why can't we get a boyfriend now." And now, at the age of 15, don't you think 12 years old is way too young for a boyfriend?
I believe that experience is good, but too much of it may disrupt your life.. or even make you give up for good. I'm just gonna wait for love to come to me. In the mean time, I'm gonna carry on with life.. Not gonna seek for anyone anymore. Yeah, it'll hurt seeing couples in front of me. Yeah, I'll think about you occasionally but in time, the love I have for you now will turn to friendship love.
I envy married couples. The ones that last till the very end. The ones that still hold hands even when they're 90. The ones that takes strolls along the beaches at the age of 90. They make love seem like a blessing, a wonderful thing. However, right now, the only word that can describe the word love for me is.. "pain"//
Love is a wonderful feeling when you're in love. However, it can pull you right down. I guess it really is about making sacrifices. For the person you love, you'd do anything to make that person happy and satisfied. But how can one say, "I love you" if they're not willing to sacrifice their time and commit to the one they love. I've just got so many questions about love. And there are just no answers.. Sigh.
